wanting to start fresh

It's been brought to my attention by more than one person lately that I am, well... a downer. This generally wouldn't be something that really bothered me, but the person who pointed it out is someone who I unfortunately care a lot about, and even though I shouldn't really care what the fuck he thinks, I do. I really want to contest and say that I am certainly not a downer, but when I step back and really evaluate myself, I am a downer, and a pessimist. What the hell happened? Just a few short months ago, I thought I had changed for good, I was finally happy with where I was at in life and I really tried to look at things positively. But lately all I can seem to do is bitch or complain about something. I don't want to be like this, I want to fix this. I have been really trying to go back and find the reason why I am so negative and why I am so full of doubt. For my whole life I have been second best, or not good enough, and I think it has done some permanent damage to how I view my life. Things have never really gone the way I want them to, even when I have hoped, and prayed and done all in my power to make them work, and I guess in a sense at some point I just got tired of trying and constantly failing, and that is where I think I just settled for being treated second best. I never give myself enough credit, or really believe in myself for that matter, and to be honest, that makes me really sad. At the end of the day, I only really have myself, and if I can't even be happy for myself and tell myself that I can do it, then why would anyone waste their time proving to me that I am? I guess I just assume that I will always fail, I will never mean enough, I will always be the less important choice and obviously it really shows. "Attitude is everything" That is a quote I live by...so why am I having a negative attitude about my life? I desperately need to make major changes and sort out my priorities. Here is where I have a problem, I always make goals for myself and I really do have good advice on what I need to do to get back on my feet and start fresh. What I know I need to do is refresh the people in my life, I need to get rid of the people that are bringing me down, or at least put a hiatus on them being an influence on me until I am stable enough to have them there again. See I give people the benefit of the doubt, and really think they have changed, when in all reality they end up using me for what they want and then dropping me until they need me again. It's pretty sad that I can't just learn. But I really am over feeling sorry for myself, or thinking that the world is out to get me. I need to have faith in more people and truly trust people, until they give me a reason not to. I need to be positive and give myself more credit. I need to not assume that people will not be interested in me because I'm not the typical girl. I really do have a lot to offer, but if I have all of these insecurities, no one is going to want me or my baggage. I just want a fresh start.  New views, New, supportive people and eventually and ultimately a new me. You can do this.